Can the world of hydrology accept the truth? Let the reign of MEPEX begin!

Contributed by Dr. Meteo McFool and his meteorological accomplices

For too long, we have tolerated so called Hydrologists claiming to use their voodoo magic to make enhanced forecasts or claim they know anything about the water cycle. These so-called ‘scientists’, ‘engineers’ and ‘experts’ (seriously?) are dangerous as they talk to the public, decision makers and politicians, pretending to possess some esoteric knowledge about extreme events such as floods or droughts — without acknowledging that all their wisdom comes from the only true science:  meteorology.

Initiatives such as this pompous HEPEX have to be stopped, as only the pure scientific discipline of meteorology can be triumphant. It is time to give this deluded, doomed initiative a true focus and a real future … and rename it MEPEX!

Although the wisdom of MEPEX is obvious, here are 15 FACTS describing the necessity of the new regime:

1. Hydrology IS NOT a science, just merely a ponderous extension of the Atmosphere. Actually, hydrology is really “the science of already solved problems”. Simple example: lot of rain == flooding; no rain == drought! How hard can it be??
2. Hydrology is irrelevant! 0.04% of the global water is stored in the atmosphere and only meager 0.006% can be found in rivers. Meteorologists are also very good friends with the oceanographers, who take care of 97% of all the water on earth, so who are you?!
3. Hydrological faux-scientists copy from superior meteorologists and then claim progress – no example necessary because we all know it after a glance at the scientific literature.  The hydrology journals basically just propagate the achievements of meteorologists but with some years of delay and loss of impact (factor).
4. Even so, ‘hydrologists’ have somehow failed to learn from meteorologists about the need to apply the laws of physics – it is obvious that every river catchment can be easily modeled without all that frankly embarrassing empiricism and uncertainty.
5. Hydrologist’s ‘knobology’ models resort to sketchy calibration and while numerical weather models are based on physics so (once parameterized and, ahem, just ever-so-slightly and carefully tuned and nudged to perfection) they just run and produce beautiful, physically harmonious output.
6. Meteorology uses verification to check model output, which means we are actually seeking the absolute TRUTH. Hydrologists do not even bother to assess their forecasts, or at best just use slippery concepts like validation or benchmarking — just plain lazy!
7. Meteorology uses BIGGER computers and has BIGGER office buildings, which is enough evidence for superiority.
8. Meteorology is on the TV and radio every single day – Hydrology, rarely so.  If no journalist is taking it seriously, how can YOU?! Maybe it’s because the ‘water people’ can NEVER give a simple answer.  It’s always a tiresome ‘blah blah soil moisture blah blah rain-on-snow blah blah infiltration’ and never just ‘it flooded because it rained really damn hard for too long’! Again, it’s not brain surgery!  More like accounting.
   
9. Meteorology is a true university subject taught at thousands of old and very prestigious universities. Hydrology is a hodge-podge pseudo-science that hides behind disciplines such as geography, civil engineering, forestry and many other derived-meteorology disciplines. Some insular anomalies on obscure campuses exist, but their universities don’t brag about them.
10. Meteorology has been around since ancient Greece, whereas hydrology was invented by the ancient Egyptians who were clearly…clearly… erm… ok, you win that one. But still, they were merely engineers, not scientific geniuses like Aristotle!
11. The British Queen acknowledges Meteorology (there is a Royal Meteorological Society!). Hydrologists in the UK have a British Hydrological Society which is not incorporated in the Royal Charter. Any monarchist can therefore only recognize the one true science.
12. In Switzerland, a republic, the hydrological society is joint with the limnological society, while the meteorological society is acknowledged to be a science by itself.
13. Hydrologists in many countries are so unimportant that they can only find work in agencies devoted to other scientific purposes, such as the ‘Geological Survey’ or the ‘Weather Service’, and they are so far down in the chain of command that most of their bosses have no idea what they actually do (and don’t care as long as they keep quiet).
14. Even a lazy meteorologist can do a hydrologist’s job (e.g., to get out of the shift work), but hydrologists are not allowed anywhere near meteorology, as they have little hope of grasping and applying the elegant complexities of the superior science.
15. In many countries hydrology and meteorology are managed by the same institute, and meteorology always comes first in the acronym SMHI, SENAMHI, NIMH, ….
    Well, ok, not always, but very often!

We can’t be even bothered to think of more reasons, it is common sense and plain obvious – simply ask the true meteorologist next to you.

Before citing this article we strongly suggest to check the author’s name and date of publication.